“I was wearing them too long”

Tonight I told my son it was time to get into the bath. He started to whimper and said “mom, I can’t take my clothes off. I’ve been wearing them too long.”
I offered to help him.
And then he clarified “I wore them so long that I grew and now they are too small and I can’t get them off!”

But what if…?

I was walking home with my 4 year old son Sam this afternoon. We live in a small town, with very little traffic. We were about to cross the road but stopped to wait for a car to pass. Then I held him back and waited for a second vehicle.
“Mom,” he complained, “I wanted to cross before that truck.”
I told him it was always better to wait until after a vehicle, because it can be hard to judge how fast they are coming.
“But what if you are in the middle of the road already when you see them coming?” he asked
“Well then just get off the road as quickly as you can,” I said.
“But what if you have no bones in your legs?!”
Um, what?!
But I thought fast! “Well how did you get into the road if you had no bones in your legs?”
“Um, maybe you rolled there.”
“OK then, if you have no bones in your legs and you see a car coming, you should roll off the road as fast as you can!”

These can’t be yours…

My 4 year old son found my glasses sitting on the table. I don’t wear them very often, so he did not recognize them, and asked whose they were.
“Those are mine” I said.
“No, these can’t be yours,” he replied as he put them on, “because they fit me perfectly.”
“Yes,” I said, “I have a small head” (which I do, compared to the rest of the family especially!)
“No you don’t mom” he retorted “your head is as big as your bum and your bum is HUGE!”

I will marry her!

After explaining to my four-year-old that he can’t marry his sister, I told him, “you know, you don’t have to get married right away when you grow up,” to which he answered, “Nah, I would be lonely. I will wait in my house for a lonely woman who doesn’t have anything and then I will marry her.”

Dressing up

My 3 year old and I were playing dress-ups. She put a scarf over my head and said, “Ok mom, let’s play!”
I said, “What do you want me to do?”
She said, “Pretend like you’re a woman.”
Thanks.

Counting

I was in the car with the boys today. My three-year old was counting, and my two-year old started counting too . . . He said “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, truck, daddy, Parker, eggs, poop, 10. Ta-da!”

You Idiot

My almost-four-year-old son was playing cars with his friend. One car ‘said’ to another “I hate you idiot!”

I said “hey, let’s not use such mean words.”

Then I heard him say “I love you idiot!”

“Learn the rules!”

My 2 year old and 3 year old were sitting at the table eating lunch. The 2 year old reached over to grab the 3 year old’s drink, and the 3 year old said, “No that’s my drink! Learn the rules!”

The sign says…

We have a somewhat feral child who lives in our neighborhood.  I’m pretty sure he would live at our house if we asked him to. Today though my kids were both gone to play dates, so I was surprised to hear his scooter rolling across the deck.  He was so disappointed when I told him the kids weren’t here and said, “Well the sign says she can play and she should change it if she isn’t here.”  I had no idea what he was talking about so I looked in the girl’s room and sure enough she’d set up a Magnadoodle out her window displaying her playing status.  I agreed with him that she should’ve changed her sign and he rolled away.  Rather ingenious of my daughter to do that.   I think we might use her sign more this summer.

“It’s me, Mom”

My 4 year old son went up to his sister’s door the other day, knocked on it, and in a deep Big Bad Wolf voice said, “It’s me.  Mom.”

The girl was not fooled.

It does make me wonder why he thinks I sound like the Big Bad Wolf…