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Guerilla

Mommy was innocently working at the computer.
Children were impolitely climbing all over her.
At some point, someone else got involved. Mama never saw him coming, just noticed him in the mirror after the fact.

019

Bum cheeks!

S [squeezing into the bathroom beside me as I try to comb my hair]: Mom, do you know why we have bum cheeks?
Me: What?
S: Did you know why we have bum cheeks?
Me: Um, no.
S: It’s so that if poop is comin’ we can squeeze them in and keep it in until we get on the bathroom
Me: Oh, well that seems like a good important thing.
S [stripping down and climbing onto the toilet]: Yup!
Me: So who told you that?
S: no one told me that. Not dad or [brother] or at preschool. I just figured it out all by myself.

Nice. I’m so glad he knows why he has bum cheeks.

“I was wearing them too long”

Tonight I told my son it was time to get into the bath. He started to whimper and said “mom, I can’t take my clothes off. I’ve been wearing them too long.”
I offered to help him.
And then he clarified “I wore them so long that I grew and now they are too small and I can’t get them off!”

But what if…?

I was walking home with my 4 year old son Sam this afternoon. We live in a small town, with very little traffic. We were about to cross the road but stopped to wait for a car to pass. Then I held him back and waited for a second vehicle.
“Mom,” he complained, “I wanted to cross before that truck.”
I told him it was always better to wait until after a vehicle, because it can be hard to judge how fast they are coming.
“But what if you are in the middle of the road already when you see them coming?” he asked
“Well then just get off the road as quickly as you can,” I said.
“But what if you have no bones in your legs?!”
Um, what?!
But I thought fast! “Well how did you get into the road if you had no bones in your legs?”
“Um, maybe you rolled there.”
“OK then, if you have no bones in your legs and you see a car coming, you should roll off the road as fast as you can!”

These can’t be yours…

My 4 year old son found my glasses sitting on the table. I don’t wear them very often, so he did not recognize them, and asked whose they were.
“Those are mine” I said.
“No, these can’t be yours,” he replied as he put them on, “because they fit me perfectly.”
“Yes,” I said, “I have a small head” (which I do, compared to the rest of the family especially!)
“No you don’t mom” he retorted “your head is as big as your bum and your bum is HUGE!”

Nothing like a direct route

We all know where it’s headed anyway, why not just get it right there?!

I will marry her!

After explaining to my four-year-old that he can’t marry his sister, I told him, “you know, you don’t have to get married right away when you grow up,” to which he answered, “Nah, I would be lonely. I will wait in my house for a lonely woman who doesn’t have anything and then I will marry her.”

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